Just one knock on the door.

Today i find myself craving for company, anyone that can join me tonight, you don’t have to do anything, just your presence is enough. Being in the same room with me is all i want but all my attempts are falling short.

I have a terrible headache that started during the day and has persisted, i convinced myself that i can fight it off with no meds but this didn’t yield much so i have taken more than three types of painkillers and it still persists. The pain is of a heavy knock on my head, it hurts in all senses of it, worst headache i have experienced in a long time.

One habit that stressed me has is she eats her feelings away but that has failed to solve anything today. I usually feel better in a few minutes when i eat my favorite chocolate, cook me a nice meal and consume it, watch a movie but today all this has failed. I still feel as miserable as the day started off.

I have two bottles set before me, one contains wine and the other whiskey, as i write this, they are all at the bottom which literally means i have been at it the entire evening, surprisingly, my feelings remain un resolved, the drinking and eating hasn’t changed anything at all today when i need it to do it’s usual trick, i still feel heavy and a mess.

Maybe if y’all could respond to my call and show up, just one of you, a knock on my door would probably change a million things.

Maybe i get to feel better with the presence of an other person in the house, maybe i would have someone to tell how i feel right but i too don’t know how exactly i am feeling so this means your “how are you doing” question will get a stair for a response.

All i know is my chest is heavy, my eyes are teary but i am not crying, i am screaming from the inside yet i can’t let the noise out least i scare my neighbors off, after-all its late and my problems are not theirs to start with. So i hold my screams in, i am not letting out any loud cry for anyone.

I doubt they would understand.

How does one deal with this loneliness that clouds them when all is supposed to be going well, how do you deal with the anxiety that comes with the things that you can’t control. How do you describe the cloudiness in your head that blinds you from thinking straight and doing that which is expected of you.

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