So You Want to be an Ally

The last few weeks have been overwhelming. From the deaths of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor to the incident in Central Park with Christian Cooper, the topic of existing while black (especially in America) has sparked debates and conversations around the world.

Being an ally as white or white-passing individuals is crucial to the current uprising and movement. In order to be an effective ally, you must know the role you play — which can be overwhelming. I’ve been asked countless times by white and white-passing folks what they can do to make a difference because they don’t know where to start.

And listen, I get it.

You know that racism is wrong and that it has no place in our society and you want to speak up and be a part of this history, but the thought of attending a protest is daunting.

As a black woman living a black experience, I’m going to give my perspective, hopefully provide a few resources, and actionable walkaways to help you along.

Let me preface this by saying this post barely scratches the surface of the current uprising. However, like many articles that discuss racial inequity, the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement, and anti-black racism, this may make you uncomfortable.

Growth often is an uncomfortable process.

But, I’m asking you to keep in mind that this isn’t about YOU or your comfort. This is about understanding that lives are at stake and your silence makes you complacent.

First things first — stop asking black people to re-live their traumas to justify why you should stand next to us in this fight for equality. We do not owe you our experiences with police, racism, or discrimination simply because you’re trying to learn. Understand that these stories often accompany feelings of deep pain, humiliation and shame for us.

When we do trust you enough to share the scarring stories of our experiences saying things like “I’m shocked!” or “I can’t believe this” is not, I repeat, is NOT helpful. If you can’t imagine these things happening to you, that further proves just how big the gap is between our existence and yours. We don’t need the reminder and we don’t want your pity.

If you use “All Lives Matter” as a rebuttal to Black Lives Matter — Stop it. Seriously, I refuse to believe that people are too ignorant to understand the difference. But since I’m here, let’s say it again:

All lives CANNOT and DO NOT matter if black and brown lives don’t matter too.

If you are so blinded by your privilege that you simply can’t allow a movement to not be about you, you’re part of the problem and you need to unpack it (I suggest reading White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard to Talk to White People About Racism by Robin DiAngelo).

Providing space for black lives at the table of things that matter does not mean that your seat will be taken. It’s simply asking that you make some room to extend the same opportunities at freedom and life that has been provided to you.

Next, acknowledge your white privilege. As a white or white-passing individual, you are inherently born with a level of privilege not extended to black people and other people of colour (POC).

This doesn’t mean that your life has been easy and no one is disputing the challenges you’ve faced. That’s not what this form of privilege is.

White privilege means that society has been structured in such a way that you reap the full benefits of what it has to offer through no effort of your own, simply because of the colour of your skin.

If you move houses without fear of how the new neighbours will perceive you — that’s white privilege.

If you’re able to turn on your television, watch a movie or open a magazine and see your race or skin colour well represented — that’s white privilege.

If you’ve never experienced the embarrassment of being singled out, frisked and questioned while leaving a store — that’s white privilege.

If you’ve never heard “I didn’t expect you to be so articulate”, “I’m surprised you’re so well versed on the subject”, “you’re so white for a black person” or any variation of the above — that’s white privilege.

If you’ve never had to talk to your children about safety in police presence; to be quiet, to not argue, to only speak when spoken to, to raise your hands and keep them visible at all times in the hopes that you can leave that encounter alive — that is white privilege.

It can be hard to acknowledge that this exists when you didn’t ask for it. I didn’t ask to be born white! We know. But, you were and now that you’re aware of it, you can do better. (Read: Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla F Saad)

Understand that not all racism looks the same. You know what blatant racism looks like. Videos of ignorant mouths throwing derogatory slurs regularly make their rounds on the internet.

However, everyday racism is a little bit harder to spot. Here are some examples:

These types of microaggressions are common and often brushed off as harmless or all in fun. Perpetuating these stereotypes is dangerous as most of them stem from years of oppression and hate.

Do your own research. Instead of asking the black people in your life what books you should read (I’ve already provided two examples above), who you should follow on social media or which podcasts you should listen to…find out for yourself.

It is not the job of the black community to educate you on the history, trauma or oppression of the people.

There are plenty of resources out there to help you educate yourself of racial relations. Don’t burden black people with the labour of educating you when it’s just as easy to do it yourself. Step up.

Don’t be a performative activist. It is not enough to post on social media, use hashtags and share links for likes and follows. This isn’t about growing your following or looking “woke”.

This form of allyship does little good for the cause when it’s the only effort you’re willing to put forth. The real allyship comes from doing the work.

Which brings me to the most important point of all…

Listen and do the work. This is not the time for you to centre yourself, your feelings or your experiences. The truth is that as a white or white-passing person you simply cannot, in any way, fully identify with the experiences and oppression of black people. You simply can’t.

You may feel that you’ve been discriminated against as a white person, you may have been bullied and you may have been raised poor — none of these experiences come as a result of oppression and systemic racism.

As such, you MUST allow black voices to ring the strongest and the loudest. Actively listen to the black voices around you. Know when to speak up and when to learn and follow the lead.

This is the really uncomfortable stuff. These are the actions that no one will know about. It will look like calling out your racist aunt atThanksgiving dinner; it will be asking, “why do you find that funny?” when a co-worker makes a racist joke; it will be holding yourself accountable for the silent prejudices you have (we all have them) and making the conscious effort to unpack them.

Being an ally isn’t a one time gig. This is lifelong work that requires persistence. Listen to stories, hear the need, speak up at the injustice (even when it’s inconvenient to you), educate yourself, and never stop putting in the work.

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