Why Are You Scared?

This is the first of a series of posts that I will be writing in the days to come. A confession here: I have never been a writer and I have always been lazy to write. Ordering the thoughts will be an ordeal for me. But, it is imperative now that I put out my story out there and even if I am able to touch a single life and transform it, I will consider myself lucky.

Throughout my life, I have always been a person who went with the flow. Not very ambitious but not without a goal as well. The goals kept changing and with that I kept changing into newer skins. Now, there are always two sides to any situation, an upside and a downside. For me the upside of changing my goals constantly was that I kept discovering a newer side of me but on the flipside I was deemed “inconsistent”. But till the time we face any adversity, the flipside always takes a backseat. I became a Sales Profession by choice. Situation didn’t force me into it. I took it up thinking that it will be cool and I will get to travel and meet a lot of people (P.S: I love meeting new souls). This 2013 I am talking about. I headed into the corporate world with tremendous energy and enthusiasm.

It was the beginning of the year and we were getting scattered reports of the virus but the threat never seemed real. I was 7 years into Sales and although I was doing fairly well career-wise, there was no sense of fulfilment and purpose. I was dragging my life. I kept hopping from one firm to another, thinking there is some problem with my ex-company and that I am not a fit there. Never ever did I try and look inside of me and tried asking myself (why should I?). That self-introspection thing is totally BS. So, just before the virus hit India in March and there was a complete lockdown, I was in the middle of my company changing “ritual”. Little did I know that this virus will change my life for real. It will change me for good. When the nationwide lockdown was announced, I was very relaxed thinking that I do not have anything to worry. I have a job waiting for me at the end of it and I considered myself lucky. I did my exit formalities from the previous company in the first week of April 2020 and from then it started. My new company kept delaying the process of joining citing the most “common” reason prevalent then. Like many others, who were wearing that hat of “I understand. These are difficult times” at that time, I didn’t feel like pressurizing them. After all, we all were in this together. We were in the month of July now and I was growing impatient. 3 months without a job and pay. That’s got to beat the crap out of you. I insisted that the HR, meet and get a final closure to this.

The day I realized…

So, finally, I was called in for a discussion with a newly joined HR Head who wanted to discuss some stuff with me and my new joining date. I was pretty excited and nervous at the same time thinking about what it could possibly be that they might want to discuss. So when I finally walked into the HR’s office and the next 30 mins were just a blur. I still can’t remember what I said. I only remember HR saying, we are changing the offer……

To be continued…

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