Silent Retreat

Day 8 Shhhhhhh

Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside wakens — Carl Jung

Duality me meditating on a chakra, me meditating on a mantra….who is this me? Awareness is beyond this me.

It feels like only 2 days left but actually there are 3. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that. I am longing to talk to Pete. I want to talk about the monitor lizard and the snake and the tiny glow bug that looks like a small drone from “eye in the sky” I want to hear about his experience. I am enjoying though not wondering whether he is ignoring me or did not hear when he does not answer a simple question. I am deeply in love with this man and want to share a new version of life with him. We are blessed. We are living the dream, I want to spend less time in the future online and I hope he feels the same. Life is happening out there and in here…not on there. I am in love with the self-discipline, the simple routine, the peace, the self-control and the calm. The world outside seems noisy, cluttered and unnecessary.

We practice a nada meditation. The gong sounds, we follow the vibration and centre our awareness on that. Dropping into the mental void I discover the sweetness. This is my fastest sweet surrender experience so far. As I continue to listen intently I realized I’d missed the instructions for this meditation. I’d simply dropped into pure bliss and awareness.

How is it we can watch movies/scroll facebook for 2 hours — why not meditate for 2 hours

How will my life look in 3 days?

My skin feels somewhat better; my mind makes the most of the break from itching and starts to choreograph a conversation with my dad. No respite. Funny thing thoughts….we think that because we think something that its truth. How many thoughts based on assumptions or feelings do we have everyday that are just not guaranteed truth.

We focus on love for most of the day, our misinterpretations of what love is, the difference between personal love and universal love, the experience of love and how we are whole and don’t need anyone to complete us.

I am feeling love more then ever and desperately longing to talk, touch, hold Pete. I glance over at the men’s side of the room. He is deep in feeling. My heart does a little leap, I may not need this man to complete me but he certainly adds something to my life that is absent without him.

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